Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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