sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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