I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
