You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
