you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
