In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
