i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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