You just made me feel so damn special
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
