If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
