just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
