You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
