even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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