If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
