Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
