I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
