ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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