Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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