I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
