my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
