Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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