it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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