I wish my penis had an off switch
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
