I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
