sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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