dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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