My brain says no but my pants say off.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
