I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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