He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
