mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
