my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
