Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
FUCK WHALES
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
