So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
