Your mouth is God's brothel.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
