Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
