By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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