guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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