I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
