like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
