Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
