Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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