this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
