yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
