hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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