I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
God, you're like boner-b-gone
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
