I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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