My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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