U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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