Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
