Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
