we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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